This story was written for Eliza Warren's Term I ENGL 391 course via DE.

Growing up I believed that the three bears in the tale of Goldilocks were a family because they lived under the same roof and ate at the same table. I also believed that Barbie and her little sister, Skipper, were family because they looked alike, and that Mr. Potato Head and Mrs. Potato Head were family because they were married. Now that I am grown, my understanding of family has matured, and many sources have helped shape my belief. Carol Shields points out in her article, “Family Is One of the Few Certainties We Will Take with Us Far into the Future,” that all around us there are different definitions and symbols of family (Shields 558). In short, a family does not have to conform to a set mold to be considered a family. For example, a small family, such as Mr. and Mrs. Potato Head’s, still qualifies as a family. On the contrary, Webster supports a more traditional view that defines “family” as a household consisting of parents and their children. Relatives and those who share a mutual ancestor are also included in this definition (“Family” 215). Our culture’s interpretation of family is constantly changing, and an amendment to the definition should be allowed for. History tells us that a family consists of a man, a woman, and their children, but I believe that today, that definition should branch out to include non-traditional families, which in some cases could even include, pets and close friends.

Thousands of years ago, a family consisted of a man, a woman, their children, their servant, and any children the man had with the servant. King Solomon from the Bible is said to have had seven-hundred wives and three-hundred concubines. His family was quite literally the size of a small town. In the 1950s, society drew its definition of family from the sitcom Ozzie and Harriet: Two parents with two children living in perfect harmony (Shields 561). Thirty years later, parents are semi-reformed hippies whose children were conceived in a commune. For many, our definition of “family” is learned through what society tells us. Being born means we are somehow connected to someone whether we are the most famous person or the poorest beggar on the street (Shields 559). In its most basic form, everyone has a family.

Today, non-traditional families dominate the scene. The “normal” family is now uncommon in our society (Shields 562). Teachers have to be cautious when assuming every child has a mommy or daddy. Social workers must no longer be surprised when their clients are actually grandparents taking care of their grandchildren. Some children may have two daddies, or some only have a mommy. The list goes on. The culprit creating these unusual families is not always divorce and can include the death of a parent, unwed mothers, or single-sex parents (Shields 562). New families are not required to be biologically related. In an article about her non-traditional family, “Why Do We Marry?” Jane Smiley points out that people with numerous marriages or partners extend the definition of family (564). She writes, family dinners consisted of “me, my boyfriend, his daughter and son by his second wife, my daughters by my second husband, and my seven-year-old son by my third husband” (563, 564). Relationships begin to resemble several broken, rerouted, and intertwined branches that combine to create a forest of family trees.

There are some individuals involved in these non-traditional families that accept the changes while there are those who do not. I am one who does not. My parents were divorced when I was eighteen and both were remarried within a few years. The new spouses both have children who are older than me. My mom’s new husband understands that he is not my new dad nor is his son my brother. My dad’s new wife and family are delighted to have me as a new sister and daughter. These people are not my family. I did not grow up with them and we are as different as night and day. Add to the fact that since their wedding four years ago, I have not lived in the same state as them. To me, this is not a family. If I grew up with them, things might be different. My close friends are more of a family to me than my step-family.

As humans, we are drawn to companions who love us unconditionally and essentially become our family (Shields 559). So, can a family be considered one single individual and their pet? When children draw pictures of their family they sketch a likeness of their four-legged companion. Several of my friends and I are not ready for children. We decided to go the dog route instead. We consider our Boxer, Aspen, to be a part of our family. She goes with us when we move, enjoys picnics on the beach, sleeps in our bedroom, and even gets her own blurb in the Christmas newsletter. Morticians have even caught on to this trend of familial connection between pets and their owners. Pet funeral homes and cemeteries are booming businesses.

In many relationships, people who begin as complete strangers end up having a lot in common, and ultimately share a bond that is stronger than blood. Tight knit groups, such as foreigners with the same cultural norms, or military members separated from family form kinships that bond them like blood relatives (Shields 561). Are they just a social network or is there a stronger process at work? In the military, members and their families are often distantly separated from places and people they know and love. When my husband is deployed, it is my close friends on base that help me through the hardship. Family back home does not understand what my husband and I go through during a military separation. They attempt to identify with us, but in reality they will never truly understand unless they personally experience it. In many cases our friends know us better and offer stronger support than our biological family. In these united clusters there is more social awareness of a need instead of living ego-filled, individualistic lives. Smiley feels this is the “happy-family idea, everyone safe and well-fed, getting along, taken care of” (Smiley 564). Family takes commitment and dedication through life’s ups and downs (Shields 560). Friends who know you and your dirt, but love and accept you in spite of it, are truly kindred.

As our culture changes so do its institutions and our society’s definition of them. In the world today, step-families, pets, and close friends are all included in our vocabulary when it comes to defining our family. Families help explain who we are and where we come from whether biological relatives or best of friends. Circumstances may alter the traditional sense of the word family, but human nature allows us to adapt and form our lives accordingly. With our ever changing society, maybe Hasbro Toys will someday have Mr. Potato Head leave the Missus for a certain lusty Radish and her two children.

Works Cited

Shields, Carol. “Family Is One of the Few Certainties We Will Take with Us Far into the Future.” Wall Street Journal, 1 Jan 2000. Elements of Argument. Eds. John E. Sullivan III and Deborah Baker. Boston: Bedford/St. Martin’s, 2006. 558-563.

Smiley, Jane. “Why Do We Marry?” Utne Reader, Sep/Oct 2000. Elements of Argument. Eds. John E. Sullivan III and Deborah Baker. Boston: Bedford/St. Martin’s, 2006. 563-564.

“Family.” Webster's New World Dictionary. Ed. Victoria Neufeldt. New York City: Pocket Books, 1995. 215.