This story was written for Eliza Warren's Term I ENGL 391 course via DE.

From the moment they saw each other they knew they were the perfect pair. They knew instantly that the other was their soul mate. It was love at first sight. This knowledge is followed by amazing sex. Then the ecstatic couple gets married and lives "Happily Ever After." I'm talking about the modern day adult fairy tale, also known as the romance novel. I've been reading these novels since I was in the seventh grade. My first one was titled Bitter Sweet, written by Laverle Spencer, and was found in my mom's closet. From there I graduated to the more sordid novels with half-naked people on the covers. My adolescent mind was absolutely fascinated and I could not wait until I found my guy and could experience those feelings first-hand. Fifteen years later, I'm happy to say that I realize the utter ridiculousness of hoping for a romance novel relationship. I'm glad I realized fairly early in my life that reality is never anything like the words on those pages. What many people fail to grasp is that they are just entertainment.

The modern marriage is given up on too easily; dashed to bits by its disgruntled participants with only a couple of swipes of their pens. Marriage should not be promoted as a fairy tale or romance novel, or as a place for the typical family to reside. Marriage should be promoted as hard and grueling work, but at the end of day after all the sweat and toil you have a partner for better or worse to share your world with. There is no "typical marriage." You should marry exactly who you want to, but when it starts getting messy, frustrating, and generally annoying, as marriage will, stick with it. Here, I will enter a short disclaimer: I do not believe anyone should stay in a marriage where they are in physical or emotional danger, and all situations are different, so my ideas may not apply to everyone. But they do apply to a major part of the married population, so for those who scoff too quickly at my words, you may want to take a second look.

I do not, in any way, want marriage to become harder to dissolve. I want legalities and governments to stay out of these affairs as much as possible. What I want is for individuals to bring their heads out of the clouds for just a moment and really ponder how happy they'll be once their spouse is out of their life. Will you be happy with that new person you have in mind, whether you've actually met them or not? What happens when the new wears off, and your new mate is not romance novel material either? More signatures and lawyers to erase that marriage too? These are the questions that Polly Shulman asks in her article titled "Great Expectations." Her answer is that the basic problem comes from waiting for something better to come along, something closer to a romantic novel:

The reality is that few marriages or partnerships consistently live up to this ideal. The result is a commitment limbo, in which we care deeply for our partner but keep one stealthy foot out the door of our hearts. In so doing, we subject the relationship to constant review: Would I be happier, smarter, or a better person with someone else? It's a painful modern quandary. 'Nothing has produced more unhappiness than the concept of the soul mate,' says Atlanta psychiatrist Frank Pittman. (Shulman 570)

In order for relationships to last, and let's just assume most people go into their marriage with the idea that they will die married to that same person, the soul mate/perfect match idea has to be thrown out the window. In fact, nothing seems a more ridiculous idea than one person floating around the earth made for another one. How would you ever be sure you had the right person? That's what most people are asking themselves when they second-guess their marriage, when the marriage hits a rough spot. This concept leads people to think they would be happier with someone else.

The fact is, happiness comes from within yourself. Yes, I know how cliché that sounds but it is very true. Happiness is relative, and you won't find it in another person, "The idea of marriage as a vehicle for self-fulfillment and happiness is relatively new, says Paul Amato, professor of sociology, demography, and family studies at Penn State University"(Shulman 571). Also, according to Shulman's article most high school and college students today say they want to get married for love, whereas fifty years ago the same age group listed more practical reasons. "This increased emphasis on emotional fulfillment within a marriage leaves couples ill-prepared for the realities they will probably face"(Shulman 571). Realities such as financial hardships or differences in child-rearing. At the end of the romance novel all of these issues are swept under the rug, but unfortunately they have to be dealt with in the real world of marriage.

Not dealing with these issues many times leads to divorce. Divorce, inevitably leads to many types of stressors, one of which is financial worry, consisting of splitting up assets, deciding what to sell (of which you will only get half of the money) and many other decisions about who gets what. This is not the only issue to think about when getting divorced, not even the most important one. If there are children that come from the marriage you have to ask yourself what kind of impact is it going to have on them. An excerpt from "Real Boys' Voices" titled "The Sting of Divorce" describes the feelings of a teenage boy whose parents are going through a divorce. He views his parents' divorce as a failure on their part, as them giving up. "This is giving up, this is quitting, and this is failure on the grandest scale. That is divorce, simply and bluntly. Quitting. What a disgusting, dishonorable, and altogether deplorable act" (Pollack and Shuster 568).

These words coming from a teenager going through a rough time are understandable, but I don't think they would be well received in my argument. I would not presume to be so judgmental. As I said before, everyone's situation is different. But I agree with the overall sentiment of what he is saying. His parents did give up on their marriage. Maybe they had good reason, but maybe they didn't think it through as they should have. Either way, their life and their son's life will never be the same, "Talking or thinking about or even feeling all that the word divorce encompasses is difficult. In fact, this is the most difficult thing that has ever happened in my fifteen years of life" (Pollack and Shuster 568).

Maybe, with a lot of hard work, this marriage could have been salvaged. The work that would go into saving a marriage would not be as stressful as the divorce itself. In the end it would be worth it. Divorce should be legal and should not be too difficult to carry out, but married couples should stop and really think about the consequences and the effect it will have. Love is different for everyone, but what is the same in every successful relationship is the time and work put into it by the couple. My advice to everyone is to put down the romance novel images that you carry in your head about what love should be like. Fairy tales and books are nothing more than...well, fairy tales and books.

Works Cited

Shulman, Polly. "Great Expectations." From Psychology Today, March/April 2004. Rpt. in Elements of Argument: A Text and Reader. Annette T. Rottenberg and Donna Haisty Winchell. 8th ed. Boston: Bedford/St. Martin's, 2006. 569-575.

Pollack, William, and Todd Shuster. "The Sting of Divorce." From Real Boy's Voices by William Pollack. 2000. Rpt. in Elements of Argument: A Text and Reader. Annette T. Rottenberg and Donna Haisty Winchell. 8th ed. Boston: Bedford/St. Martin's, 2006. 567-568.